Fresh start

When things are falling apart and you think you need to move on, there is no sense in thinking twice. There are those who have a hard time moving forward from what broke them and there are those who takes so many years before they can bounce back and put themselves out there again. Let me tell you that there is nothing wrong in asking for help from the people who are very close to you. Also, it is never too late to have or build a support system to help you cope up when you are hurt. If one relationship just ended, it is never too late to begin another one, regardless of your age and/or status. As long as you already gave your self an ample time to heal and you are prepared to love or to meet new people again, then you can start dating again. Maybe you can arrange a night out with your closest friends, or maybe you can prepare a family dinner to help you get by or go through all the sadness that the whole moving on process entails.

Solitude can be a positive thing to some of us. Some people enjoy their precious alone time to focus on the things that they love to do (like their hobbies) or to devote that time to accomplish things that they are obligated to do (like their chores). But then, solitude can also have some effects that may work against one’s favor. If a person is not used to being alone, the feeling of abandonment and sadness might creep in eventually, and it may take too much emotional energy from such person. Hence, we must learn to enjoy solitude by way of making our own version of “alone time”. We can use our alone time in finding a date thru Tinder or free senior dating websites (depending on your age bracket, of course, assuming that you are looking for local cougars in my area or in your area), or maybe just try to find a person to hang out with. I personally recommend to look for a person to hang out with, and then observe if you both have a connection of some sort, then, you can probably decide after few months if you both want to continue dating each other, or maybe just hang out and remain friends. Either way, it will still work in your benefit.

Oh, do not forget to use your alone time as your moment to heal yourself. Most, if not, all of us are damaged or scarred because a certain relationship needs to end, albeit inadvertently. There is this long time rule that we should not dive in a new relationship without moving on from the previous relationship. Thus, take your time in healing yourself first. It does not matter how many months or years it will take, as long as you know to your self that you are happy and you can fully commit to a relationship. You’ll be surprised one day, you find your heart is brave enough to love again, or at least date again.

I personally think that anyone can still date even if they are in their 40’s or 50’s already, especially if you took the time to heal your self from your past relationship. It’s never too late to love again, and it is never to late to “test the waters” again. Haha. If a man or a woman in his/her 20’s or 30’s can openly date anyone, same effect goes to the middle aged people. All of us are equally allowed to meet new people and try to start or establish a connection between one another. Not only that it is in our (human) nature to to start and maintain a social connection to other people, it also serves as a very good avenue to expand our network that we might benefit from in the long run. Thus, even if the connection that was established did not blossom into a romantic one, at least one or two persons are added into a person’s network. The possibilities are endless! It is never too late to date again, especially if it is for the right reasons and it if is done in perfect timing. One must not be hindered to meet and date over people just because he or she thinks he/she is too old to go back to the dating scene. It will not matter if you do not let it, and it should not affect you unless you allow your self to be affected.

 

 

Credits: GIFs from Giphy

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Bounce back

Hey! I apologize for the very long delay! It looks like my last blog post was posted over a year ago. Haha. I am really sorry about that. One of the reasons why I have not posted a new blog post for more than 12 months is that I experienced the dreaded writer’s block, and I need to fix something for this blog. For the benefit of those who are interested, I transferred to a new host and a new domain registrar. t took me a great while to sort things out and to work on the whole transferring process. I decided not to make any blog post unless and until I have finished the whole transfer process to my new webhost and my new domain registrar.

 

So one fateful day, I was confronted with a question about relationships. I am not an expert in this kind of things, but I think I know a thing or two about it. But one of my close friends asked me a question about finding a date through dating apps (like Tinder) and other dating site (like welovedates.com or other divorced dating sites). He asked me if I can help him find a date from dating sites or dating apps. So, being a good friend that I am, I told him that I would gladly help him to find the right one for him, but he needs to disclose some pointers to me as to what kind of a person he is actually looking for. He explained to me all of the pointers that I need and we proceeded to the whole process of finding a date for him. I kept on telling him that if in case he would go out with the people he will meet in dating sites/apps, just be in his best behavior and do not forget to be himself all the time. I said that to him because the “best foot forward” approach does not seem to work anymore, due to the fact that we all know that we are all humans, and as humans, it is part of our nature to change from time to time. Hence, what could have been my friend’s best qualities now may change in the near future, so he might as well do not try to be someone that is far from his real personality. Also, I told him that it will be fun if he break lose to his rigid mindset, and be more spontaneous and open to his date. There is a huge probability that his date will be more at ease with him if he becomes more spontaneous, and, if possible, he can even be more adventurous than his usual.

You see, I love to give this kind of advice, especially when I know that the recipient of my advice is someone who is struggling to get by or to move on from a very toxic relationship. This friend that I mentioned above just broke up with his supposed partner, and he is trying to get through the sadness, that is why I willingly obliged to help him to find a date. It took him a while to decide whether or not he will go bak to the dating scene, and I am so glad that he is willing to bounce back and put himself back out there.

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Isolation

Eleven months since I last posted in this blog, and I can’t emphasize how I miss blogging so badly. I treat the blogosphere like a place that whenever I leave, I can always return and eel the same comfort that I felt from the time that I left it. Sure, it’s not as safe as it was before, but it feels like home to me.

Few months ago, I posted this photo on my Facebook account because it speaks volumes. It’s like my life is compressed in one quote. Haha. I have a strong personality and a resting bitch face to match it, so more often than not, I usually come out strong. One of the biggest struggles that I had is isolation. During my younger years, I was so concerned with how other people’s perception. We all went through that stage where, all of a sudden, we let ourselves become vulnerable to other people’s thoughts about us. I usually get the same old words like I like unapproachable, or I am too distant, or I’m like this or like that blah blah blah. Some people even try to pin me down by way of contradicting everything that I say. Some girls who try to be Alpha Females try to make me their version of Beta, but I’m not and I can’t do that for them. It’s either I conform to them, or I isolate myself from them. I kept on telling myself that I should change my self so that others will not look at me as a threat. I dumbed myself down just to remain friends with other people, but I can’t hold it in much long because my “inner Alpha Woman” will naturally ooze out, no mater how hard I try to control it.

(off topic: one thing I noticed to other girls is that they are trying to convince other people that they are Alpha Women. Well, chances are they’re not. Haha.)

 

But whenever I isolated my self from other, I feel refreshed. I feel like I can be me. I can walk the way I wanted to, I can talk the way I am supposed to. At the end of the day, the only thing that is important is my own perception about my self. I do not need to worry if others think of me as a threat or not, I don’t even care anymore. Haha. I love to isolate myself once in a while, so that whenever I try to immerse my self again to other group of people, I won’t feel lost anymore. I’ll be me, and I can stay real to my self.

 

P. S. Unlike what was said in the photo above, I was not lonely all my life (only some fragments of it,of course). I tried dodging loneliness because it is not healthy.

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Making connections

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We all love to meet and connect with other people, don’t we?

Friendship, networking, and relationship-building are fun! But how sure are we that we are letting in the right people in our lives? How good are we in sorting the people who we let in our lives, and checking if they are the right ones.  Do we really know who are we letting in?

In my case, I chose to open myself to the kinds of people, but I still reserve a part of me to be kept in private. I’ve been in the situation that I shared the important pieces of me to the wrong people, and, as expected, I was hurt and betrayed. In effect, I blamed myself (for a very long time) for exposing and sharing a lot to the wrong people. 

I have to admit that I built strong walls around me so that I will not blame myself again for being “too friendly”. Too be honest, it felt good. I felt like as if no one’s going to hurt me, EVER. But the downside here is that I had intimacy issues and (extreme) trust issues. Ugh.

Also, I mastered the art of sharing without opening myself too much to other people. I still know how to make and start a conversation. Haha. Don’t worry, I did not shut the world out of my life. It’s just, I learned that the only people whom I can completely trust are the ones whom I have deep and strong relationship, and the deepest and most important relationships take some time to build, that’s why I don’t show my (real) weird and wacky side right away to any one.

Oh, I forgot to mention that there are those people who will really put a lot of effort just to bring you down, in a sense that as if they are pulling you down to be with them in the snake pit (where they belong). Haha. I admire them for their effort to bring other people down, especially the strong ones. But, what their doing is wrong, that’s why I have zero chill for that. Just think of it this way, they put an amount of effort to bring you down because you are above them all this time. Don’t falter, don’t give in. Just rise higher and find your strength within. 🙂

Lastly, I made a promise to myself that I will not be scared to build strong relationship to any one, and that I should not shy away from anyone who wants to befriend me. I’ve given that “pep talk” to myself for a very long time all ready, and it works. I hope none of you will be scared to bond and to make strong connections to other people and I hope all of us will be prudent enough to sort the “real” people from the fake ones. I already found my solution, and I am sharing it to everyone who will read this blog post. I hope it helps someone or anyone. Haha. 

So how about you? Do you have trust issues too? How do you sort out the people who you let inside your life? C’mon! Share your thoughts. 🙂

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Better days

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I am taking this opportunity to share a little piece of what’s going on with my life lately, and I may be doing a little ranting along the way, so I hope you will still read through this blog post. Haha.

The Lenten Season for the Roman Catholics is one of the most important season, along with Christmas Season, because, according to the people with advanced knowledge in Roman Catholic faith, it was during this season when our Redeemer, Jesus Christ, was crucified many many years age. It was in this season when Jesus Christ sacrificed his life of us. I want you to focus on the word “sacrifice”, because I will be using that word again a little later. Haha.

Fast forward to year 2016, I am using the so-called “Holy Week” partly to pray and reflect, and partly to finish whatever schoolwork I have not finished yet. Yes. This is my form of sacrifice. I am supposed to use this Holy Week to go to different churches and pray with my family. I am supposed to use this Holy Week to be at peace and be close to God. I am supposed to use this Holy Week to talk to God. But what happened? I am still doing my usual day-to-day routine. I still read my academic books, I still make my research, and I still study. I should be with my family right now. I should be out there going to different churches, meeting new people, and exploring different places. I should be living my life.

You see, this is a little odd to me. Because this is a new form of sacrifice to me. I need to do all the things that I am doing right now with the presumption that everything will be better in the end. I need to take a pause in life, so that I will have better days. I should sacrifice today for a better tomorrow.

I know time will come when I will look back on these days when I was still struggling, and I know I will smile while thinking about today.

 

So how about you? Have you been in a situation where you need to sacrifice something really important? How so? 🙂

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