First week of October 2018

I have been tired from work and school these past few days, and it seems like one week just slips through. I have been down and drowsy lately, as if I want to have a “pause button” for my life. Haha. I want a day to rest and just sleep the whole day. I cannot explain how tired I am today, so words might fail me, please bear with me. Haha. This time, mea culpa

So, I kept on hearing things about having (or at least forcing myself) to have a lovelife. I kept telling other people that time will come and I will have my significant other. I hope one day I can blog about him here, but he does not exist. Haha. Maybe I will go through dating sites or may Tinder to help me put myself out there. Or, maybe, I can go to senior dating sites to find a match. Haha. Aside from senior dating, maybe I can sign up for glasgow dating or fife dating, just to be sure. Haha. KIDDING!. I will just sit and wait for my turn to fall in love again. 2018 might not be the year for me to fall in love, but it the year for me to grow. Hence, I will grow and be matured about everything.

Speaking of being matured, I am currently burning the midnight oil to study because my daily schedule is messed up by my job. Maybe I mentioned this before, but I will say it again, I already have a job (that feels like a scam, to be honest, because I get paid that much, but I work very very hard. haha. kidding). I have been confused about my work lately because it turns out the people in my department does not know how to train newly-hired employees. Thus, I need to figure out things on my own. I need to go through every tedious process so that I can learn the system of the nature of my work. Do not get me wring though, I feel like I am “part of the family” in my work, but I do not feel any sincerity in every employee’s work. But not all sad stories have pure bad side. The good side here is I met so much people that inspired me to work hard and work smart, and to never give in to the pressure. I am so happy that there are those who are willing to help me go through my work, and I am so blessed that they do their job assidiously, without second guessing. I wish I could hug them every time they help me, but I cannot do that, because it is very tiring and I am not that close with those employees. haha.

 

So how about you? How was your week? Is there anything new about you?

Are you loving your current job? Why or why not? Come on! Share it away! (if it is okay with you, of course.)

 

 

 

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Making connections

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We all love to meet and connect with other people, don’t we?

Friendship, networking, and relationship-building are fun! But how sure are we that we are letting in the right people in our lives? How good are we in sorting the people who we let in our lives, and checking if they are the right ones.  Do we really know who are we letting in?

In my case, I chose to open myself to the kinds of people, but I still reserve a part of me to be kept in private. I’ve been in the situation that I shared the important pieces of me to the wrong people, and, as expected, I was hurt and betrayed. In effect, I blamed myself (for a very long time) for exposing and sharing a lot to the wrong people. 

I have to admit that I built strong walls around me so that I will not blame myself again for being “too friendly”. Too be honest, it felt good. I felt like as if no one’s going to hurt me, EVER. But the downside here is that I had intimacy issues and (extreme) trust issues. Ugh.

Also, I mastered the art of sharing without opening myself too much to other people. I still know how to make and start a conversation. Haha. Don’t worry, I did not shut the world out of my life. It’s just, I learned that the only people whom I can completely trust are the ones whom I have deep and strong relationship, and the deepest and most important relationships take some time to build, that’s why I don’t show my (real) weird and wacky side right away to any one.

Oh, I forgot to mention that there are those people who will really put a lot of effort just to bring you down, in a sense that as if they are pulling you down to be with them in the snake pit (where they belong). Haha. I admire them for their effort to bring other people down, especially the strong ones. But, what their doing is wrong, that’s why I have zero chill for that. Just think of it this way, they put an amount of effort to bring you down because you are above them all this time. Don’t falter, don’t give in. Just rise higher and find your strength within. 🙂

Lastly, I made a promise to myself that I will not be scared to build strong relationship to any one, and that I should not shy away from anyone who wants to befriend me. I’ve given that “pep talk” to myself for a very long time all ready, and it works. I hope none of you will be scared to bond and to make strong connections to other people and I hope all of us will be prudent enough to sort the “real” people from the fake ones. I already found my solution, and I am sharing it to everyone who will read this blog post. I hope it helps someone or anyone. Haha. 

So how about you? Do you have trust issues too? How do you sort out the people who you let inside your life? C’mon! Share your thoughts. 🙂

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Better days

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I am taking this opportunity to share a little piece of what’s going on with my life lately, and I may be doing a little ranting along the way, so I hope you will still read through this blog post. Haha.

The Lenten Season for the Roman Catholics is one of the most important season, along with Christmas Season, because, according to the people with advanced knowledge in Roman Catholic faith, it was during this season when our Redeemer, Jesus Christ, was crucified many many years age. It was in this season when Jesus Christ sacrificed his life of us. I want you to focus on the word “sacrifice”, because I will be using that word again a little later. Haha.

Fast forward to year 2016, I am using the so-called “Holy Week” partly to pray and reflect, and partly to finish whatever schoolwork I have not finished yet. Yes. This is my form of sacrifice. I am supposed to use this Holy Week to go to different churches and pray with my family. I am supposed to use this Holy Week to be at peace and be close to God. I am supposed to use this Holy Week to talk to God. But what happened? I am still doing my usual day-to-day routine. I still read my academic books, I still make my research, and I still study. I should be with my family right now. I should be out there going to different churches, meeting new people, and exploring different places. I should be living my life.

You see, this is a little odd to me. Because this is a new form of sacrifice to me. I need to do all the things that I am doing right now with the presumption that everything will be better in the end. I need to take a pause in life, so that I will have better days. I should sacrifice today for a better tomorrow.

I know time will come when I will look back on these days when I was still struggling, and I know I will smile while thinking about today.

 

So how about you? Have you been in a situation where you need to sacrifice something really important? How so? 🙂

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As far as I can remember.

Gone are the days that I treat my blog as my best friend. To the point that I post blog entries that are relevant to my current mood.
Also, gone are the days that I actually blog about my feelings. Maybe because I am scared that the people who will read my blog entries will find me too vulnerable, too weak. As far as I can remember, I write about whatever my heart says.

 

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School, as usual

I find it a little funny whenever I feel like I am on the peak of my life, and then my life will get f*cked up within 0.000002 seconds.

So here’s my story..

Today, I studied (very hard) for this one major subject that I have. I tried memorizing and analyzing every specific detail that I need to know. I was 100% prepared for today’s lessons. But we I got (cold-)called for our usual recitations, I was not able to say the best answer that I can possibly give. Heck, I even stuttered while I was reciting. I did not expect that from myself, not today.

I don’t want to sound as if I am whining, but how can I let myself down?! It frustrates me when I don’t study that well. What makes me even more frustrated is the fact that I was not able to give the perfect answer even if I know, deep down, that I studied very hard today. It sucks, right?

So, here I am in my room, trying to convince myself that everything will get better, even my grades. Haha. I think I need to go now, I need to study even more, knowing the fact that I sucked at school today.

 

So, how about you? What frustrates you the most?

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