Isolation

Eleven months since I last posted in this blog, and I can’t emphasize how I miss blogging so badly. I treat the blogosphere like a place that whenever I leave, I can always return and eel the same comfort that I felt from the time that I left it. Sure, it’s not as safe as it was before, but it feels like home to me.

Few months ago, I posted this photo on my Facebook account because it speaks volumes. It’s like my life is compressed in one quote. Haha. I have a strong personality and a resting bitch face to match it, so more often than not, I usually come out strong. One of the biggest struggles that I had is isolation. During my younger years, I was so concerned with how other people’s perception. We all went through that stage where, all of a sudden, we let ourselves become vulnerable to other people’s thoughts about us. I usually get the same old words like I like unapproachable, or I am too distant, or I’m like this or like that blah blah blah. Some people even try to pin me down by way of contradicting everything that I say. Some girls who try to be Alpha Females try to make me their version of Beta, but I’m not and I can’t do that for them. It’s either I conform to them, or I isolate myself from them. I kept on telling myself that I should change my self so that others will not look at me as a threat. I dumbed myself down just to remain friends with other people, but I can’t hold it in much long because my “inner Alpha Woman” will naturally ooze out, no mater how hard I try to control it.

(off topic: one thing I noticed to other girls is that they are trying to convince other people that they are Alpha Women. Well, chances are they’re not. Haha.)

 

But whenever I isolated my self from other, I feel refreshed. I feel like I can be me. I can walk the way I wanted to, I can talk the way I am supposed to. At the end of the day, the only thing that is important is my own perception about my self. I do not need to worry if others think of me as a threat or not, I don’t even care anymore. Haha. I love to isolate myself once in a while, so that whenever I try to immerse my self again to other group of people, I won’t feel lost anymore. I’ll be me, and I can stay real to my self.

 

P. S. Unlike what was said in the photo above, I was not lonely all my life (only some fragments of it,of course). I tried dodging loneliness because it is not healthy.

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Test of Patience

Photo credit: Google Images

Have you ever been frustrated due to a person’s incompetence? Have you reached that point when you want to tell him/her that he/she needs to step up even just a little because his/her incompetence affects you already?

But before I proceed, I hope you will not misconstrue this blog postย as avenue for me to stir up my arrogance or incapability-shaming. So, here’s my story.

 

Lately,ย I faced one of theย biggest test of patience that I could possibly have, and that is dealing with incompetent people. Incompetent people, as per my experience, are those persons who fail to reach a certain set of standards that is expected for them to reach. Their failure to reach the expected set of standards may e done (by them) either accidentally or deliberately. On one hand, I like helping other people and I love inspiring other people to work harder and to do better. I want other people to progress with me. On the other hand, I don’t like helping other people who DO NOT WANT to help themselves and I do not like doing things for other people who use and abuse my kindness towards them.

 

Up to this very moment, I hate the fact that I have to be stuck with incompetent people, it drains every single piece of strength that I have in my body to be around them. I really like to help them and I would love to see them smile whenever they accomplish something great, but then how can I help them if they don’t even want to help themselves? How can I give them the sweet feeling of euphoria on each and every big task that they accomplish? How can I help them to be better? Oh, the agony.

 

A very good friend of mine told me that I should probably back off and let those incompetent people suffer the consequences of their actions (and omissions, which are pretty much really). But then as much as I would like to stay away from them, they keep coming back to me asking for my help. And you know what? Surprisingly, I don’t get the “joy of giving” whenever I help them. It is as if I am obligated and mandated by a very strict dictator to help those incompetent people. They ask so much favor from me, some of it are actually physically (and financially) impossible for me to fulfill. And, they stress me out! Oh gosh! There was this one time when this girl wants to borrow a huge amount of money from me just because she left her purse in their house! I mean, c’mon! I am not a walking-talking bank! Haha. From that point, I told myself that it is too much, and I’ve had enough.

 

This time, I will stop helping people who do not even want to help themselves. Their incompetence and irresponsibility is way above my threshold. I will help them if they really NEED my help. Nope, not again. Not anymore. I owe it to myself.

 

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Bored no more.

Hi! ๐Ÿ™‚ I miss you! Yes, all of you. I miss every single one of you! ๐Ÿ™‚ first term of school year 2013-2014 just ended, so I don’t see any reason why I should not make a blog entry. So, here it is! ๐Ÿ™‚

 

First up, please excuse my LOOOOOONG absence from the blogosphere. I need to focus on school. Grad school is definitely time consuming and soul wrenching. Hahaha. So, as of this school year, I am on my second year already. Two more years, and I am done with this. I can actually say that I am having a “career”. Hahah.

 

Next, after a week or two, I’ll be doing my usual chaos again, so, I may have no time to blog again. I promise, with all my heart, that I’ll try to find time to blog. I am almost always on Twitter (@jen_speaks), you can contact me there. ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Also, I need to widen my social life. Actually, I am torn between sleeping and catching up with old friends. I want my sembreak to be fruitful, but I want to sleep! In fact, I love sleep. This will be my only chance to make up for the lost hours of sleep that I never had during the school days, so, yes, sleep is important to me. Hahah. (Or, maybe, I am just being plain lazy).

 

Lastly, I have piles of novels to read! I might be doing another book review, or I might post a blog entry inspired by the recent book that I read. I have all the time to read non-academic books, and I am loving it! Yay! ๐Ÿ™‚

By the way, do you know a website where I can download free e-books? I really, really, really need to download more novels!! ๐Ÿ™‚

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Consummatum Est.

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“It is finished”.

Finally! All of my school works/requirements are done! And yes, I am free as a bird. Instead of bumming around (which I normally do whenever I’m on vacation), I decided to read novels again. Gosh, I miss leisure reading! There are 6 books all lined up for me to read. I might do a book review again! Yay!

Plus, I’ll be back on blogging again. I hope I’ll get enough creative juices again. I aim to be a better blogger, well, I hope I can. ๐Ÿ˜›

Oh, my attention is now on Polyvore! If in case you’re wondering what Polyvore is, it is a website that you can make or create your own style. It is more of like mixing and matching some pieces if garments. At first, it was no less than a hobby for me, but now, I think I am addicted. Haha. The only thing that hinders me is the slow internet connection at we have right now. But then, if time permits, I go to polyvore and make my own sets. ๐Ÿ™‚ Catch me at Polyvore: Jen @ Polyvore

So yeah, aside from running errands and being an official family driver, all I do now is to spend my time in the internet. Crazy it may seems, but I guess I feel more accomplished after I make a blog post. Haha. Crazy blogger, eh?

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