Eleven months since I last posted in this blog, and I can’t emphasize how I miss blogging so badly. I treat the blogosphere like a place that whenever I leave, I can always return and eel the same comfort that I felt from the time that I left it. Sure, it’s not as safe as it was before, but it feels like home to me.
Few months ago, I posted this photo on my Facebook account because it speaks volumes. It’s like my life is compressed in one quote. Haha. I have a strong personality and a resting bitch face to match it, so more often than not, I usually come out strong. One of the biggest struggles that I had is isolation. During my younger years, I was so concerned with how other people’s perception. We all went through that stage where, all of a sudden, we let ourselves become vulnerable to other people’s thoughts about us. I usually get the same old words like I like unapproachable, or I am too distant, or I’m like this or like that blah blah blah. Some people even try to pin me down by way of contradicting everything that I say. Some girls who try to be Alpha Females try to make me their version of Beta, but I’m not and I can’t do that for them. It’s either I conform to them, or I isolate myself from them. I kept on telling myself that I should change my self so that others will not look at me as a threat. I dumbed myself down just to remain friends with other people, but I can’t hold it in much long because my “inner Alpha Woman” will naturally ooze out, no mater how hard I try to control it.
(off topic: one thing I noticed to other girls is that they are trying to convince other people that they are Alpha Women. Well, chances are they’re not. Haha.)
But whenever I isolated my self from other, I feel refreshed. I feel like I can be me. I can walk the way I wanted to, I can talk the way I am supposed to. At the end of the day, the only thing that is important is my own perception about my self. I do not need to worry if others think of me as a threat or not, I don’t even care anymore. Haha. I love to isolate myself once in a while, so that whenever I try to immerse my self again to other group of people, I won’t feel lost anymore. I’ll be me, and I can stay real to my self.
P. S. Unlike what was said in the photo above, I was not lonely all my life (only some fragments of it,of course). I tried dodging loneliness because it is not healthy.